Monday, January 01, 2007

A new year

I’ve been writing a diary the old-fashioned way. I’m constantly behind, of course, which is one of the reasons I’ve never persisted very long in the past. It’s a real tyranny, I think, to try to record anything more than tiny fragments of the whole. Which has been one of blogging’s appeals: it’s a snapshot of a certain attitude toward life, but only one of my many attitudes. It records certain activities (making, doing) and in the process illuminates tiny pockets of the context in which these things happen: certain places, people, interconnections, relationships. I’ve never thought of this as a highly personal blog, but it’s nothing but, really. Somehow I’ve wanted to find a way to continue to write here that is honest, yet private as well. There were moments way back, oh, three months ago, when I swore to Isaac I’d never write publicly again, never post a photograph, never make a trace he’d be able to find. I didn’t want him to know anything about my life, anything about me. I still don’t, but I care less. There’s so much I want to say.

I’m afraid that I gave the impression in a post a while back that my bicycle-riding friend was scared away by the prospect of hauling boxes (a not unreasonable fear) and piked even in the face of my cancer. Uncharitably, this thought crossed my mind at the time, but I was terribly late, and turns out, he waited until just before I got back. When we next saw each other a couple of days later, he told me how shaken he was by my news, and I had to say, there’s something else as well. Without going into any of the details, without my ranting or explaining or blaming, he told me without hesitation, he’s done you a favour.

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12 Comments:

Anonymous Ezra said...

I like Wordpress a lot, though I use it on my own host, not on Wordpress.com, so I can't vouch for that service.

I did *not* like Moveable Type, so I didn't even try to use TypePad.h

7:35 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

Happy New Year to you.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

Carolyn - I have been waiting for you to surface and in the meantime, I have gained the chutzpah to start my own blog because I was inspired by your courage!

Do not let the foolish mistakes that Isaac made have any domain over your bright future! He truly has given you a gift, because you deserve better and I KNOW that you will find it and come to know yourself better through it all.

That doesn't make it 'feel' any better, I am sure, but take comfort in knowing that you have a world of support waiting for you.

Peace, love and comfort to you in 2007!

11:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Genie said...

So, so good to see this from you. May the new year be filled with hope and love and joy...you deserve it!!!

Is the pic in your banner of Cleveland???

genie

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Dorian said...

happy new year carolyn! i actually do my blog in wordpress, its really easy. that;s what i was going to do that other website for that place in. you have to come see our new house.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Suse said...

Happy new year, girlprinterfriend.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Bellamy said...

Hi Lovely:

Your banner is fabulous--makes me even yearn for the old neighborhood, though it feels like we've delivered a beautiul baby at our new locale. And you should see the Vandercook. Up and running and being used!

Happy New year!
xxBell

2:18 PM  
Blogger Martha said...

Welcome back!

1:46 PM  
Blogger Ampersand Duck said...

Wow, nice new duds!

Letter coming your way. It's on The List. And I'm coming to Melbourne in early March, so pencil me in...

9:02 PM  
Blogger jac said...

I'm a late commenter. I blame public transport. Somehow, the trams are to blame.

I hope you keep writing, and that you write what you please. Easier said than done, I know!

12:20 AM  
Blogger katie! said...

halllllo

6:22 PM  

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